Well, we’ve been in L&D for about 30-40 min, and Bilbo is just talking to Gandalf about leaving the ring to Frodo when the nurse pops in and let’s us know that if my wife wants it, she can have her epidural at any time.
5 min later, we have the anesthesiologist in the room running a tube into her back, and about 4 min after that, she’s happily napping while her contractions hit about a 90 on the meter.
Notes here to any of you about to go through this, give your wife the drugs. Just do it. Don’t worry about it, and load her up. She’ll be happy, you won’t die from being clocked in the head with a pipe from the bed she tore off, and in general, it’s a nice experience to not have to watch someone you love turn 18 shads of unnatural purple while trying to push a bowling ball out of a hole meant for something the size of a lemon.
Another thing here that we’ll cover later… Don’t look unless you have a strong stomach… (No I didn’t puke assholes… sheesh!)
Ok, so now the drip of happiness is in place, wife is snoozing, and we’re on Disk 2 of Fellowship, and I’m getting tired. My mother-in-law is now in nap mode, I crash out for about 3 hours, and in general it’s a rather relaxing time.
My wife’s nurses were just amazing through this.
It’s now disc change time, and we’re on disc 1 of Two Towers.
I order some food, sit back and eat a bit, and try to relax. My wife gets another catnap in, and we’re now looking at about 5 AM. So far so good!
At every hour in this process, her “progress” needs to be check, and it’s at this time that I had a look of horror on my face…
Ok, so here is my 5’2 petite wife, who has carried this pregnancy very well, no swelling, no bitching, no crying fits, and a general smile on her face.
They put her up in the stirrups, and I fucking swear to god, her pussy was purple… I have never SEEN swelling like this. Lips were puffy and purple, and it looked like she got beat with a bat between her legs.
In the meantime, she’s “leaking” for all practical purposes, since her bag has been broken by the MD, so every time she moves, she leaks amniotic fluid.
Fuckin disgusting process to be blunt.
More later, I’m lacking time as usual.