Well, we’re now into Return of the King, and Denethor has just confronted Gandalf about loosing Boromir when the wife’s doctor breezes through the door and informs us “it’s time to push kids!”.
Now, I don’t know about you, but after seeing my wife’s pussy turn purple, I’m kind of worried about what’s about to happen.
No time to worry though, and no time to show any worry, we get the prep work done, change discs to #2 of Return of the King, and prep the bed for delivery.
For those of you who have never seen one of the beds from labor and delivery in hospitals, these things are creepy. The bed is able to separate, is built in with stirrups, and strangely is rather comfortable.
My thoughts wandering at this point as to the association between this bed and a bad sybian video don’t need to be brought up right now.
Ok, so, back to business~
We start the pushing at 9:00 almost on the dot. Theoden is now rallying the troups for the charge at Pelinor Fields, and we’re getting into the groove of trying to shove a bowling ball out of my wife. This process seems to entail a lot of me counting “1 – 2 –3! Puuuuush!” and my mother-in-law counting “1 –2 – 3! Puuuuush!” and the nurse counting “1 –2 – 3! Puuuuush!” and that’s all great and fine, but my wife’s face is turning some unholy mottled purple and red color, and they life up the sheet to check her, and all I could think was “Oh my God…”
Ok, let’s just say the level of swelling I saw a few hours ago? My friends, that aint shit compared to what I saw now.
For those of you who are intimate with your significant other, and I mean so intimate that you would be arrested for what you do with your tongue in most southern states… Those of us who are this close have a really good idea of how things are supposed to look. They are NOT supposed to look like Mike Tyson just took a punch between your wife’s legs, and her lips are NOT supposed to have the coloration of the California fuckin raisins.
And of course, you know it… More tomorrow >)